Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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