im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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