blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
