Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
