hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just high enough for therapy.
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I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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