atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
