Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
