But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
