just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize