need another drink. this is the easiest way
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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