I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.