ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me