I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.