So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar