So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
