If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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