Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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