hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize