I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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