Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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