Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
