I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
