Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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