I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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