i permit you to call me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
