I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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