my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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