Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
