Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
