I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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