is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
