Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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