If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
