im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
