Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
