I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
