She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
