Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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