I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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