Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
