I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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