Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
