His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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