Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
