Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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