two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
did you just send me my own nude
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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