even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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