She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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