i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Shame is for Republicans.
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