im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
