Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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