Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
