yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
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tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
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