I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
