That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
