You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
