the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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